WEIRD PHRASES

My Gramma Dolence left this planet when I was a pre-teen. And while I don’t recall her personality or know who she was as a mother to my dad, I do know that she was an advocate for her community and offered unique phrases on special occasions. You’re modeling days …

PEACEFUL SLEEP

I don’t sleep well. One dog likes to sleep on my head when she’s cold. And the other dog sleeps on my feet until she gets too hot. My lack of peaceful sleeping could be a result of the constant poking, smacking, and hearing, “Roll Over!” throughout the night by …

GRASS WIDOW

The wife has been traveling a lot more with work, leaving me and the kids to fend for ourselves—one lonely week at a time. It’s exhausting being a single mom. The kids want food and walks twice a day. They want to go outside, so they can come back inside. …

JERK CHICKEN (not a recipe)

The chickens mock me. They’re jerks! Squawk (or however you spell how a chicken yells.) “Leave me alone! Stop making fun of me.” Reeee  bbbb  eeee  ccccaaaa [there’s a creepy rhythm to how they say my name] “Stop it. It’s not funny.” Haaaa! [evil chicken laughter] “Hey, I heard that!” …

NO ADULTS ALLOWED

We built a living room fort last rainy weekend and like any perfect fort, there were rules. Rule One: No Adulting. Rule Two: Only two dogs allowed in the fort at one time. Rule Three: Grab a cocktail, snuggle in, turn on a movie. Rule Four: No Boys allowed. Seriously! …

ANCESTRY

It’s a Polish tradition in our family to eat ham, fresh kielbasa, smoked kielbasa, kraut, fresh bread, and perogies, because who needs a vegetable, every Easter. Being fairly new to this town, the only kielbasa I’ve found was some local farmer packaged meat in the grocery store (it’s okay) and …

GESUNDHEIT

The Spring Equinox occurred this past week like clockwork and I’m telling you right now, I am not picking up what that nasty old hag is laying down. Mother Nature is crazy and I’m not listening to her nonsense any longer. Warm. Cold. Windy. Warm. Cold. Make a decision, Lady! …

SERIOUSLY, THE SMELL

Every time I open the fridge, I’m hit with a wicked stench. I grab what I need, and quickly close the door singing Lynyrd Skynyrd. Because let’s be honest, he didn’t know what that smell was either. After a week of odor wafting through my nostrils whenever I grabbed my …

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