Everyone has that one friend. You know the one I’m talking about. That friend that’s so weird, he makes you feel sane. Well, we need to talk about my friend. We had flown three thousand miles across the country for a not-so-fun visit. But rather than discussing the sadness that …
Ahh, the sacred GARAGE. The most versatile place of any home. Is it a car port? A storage unit? The rock band’s rehearsal room? That’s the best part. You choose. Basically, garages are utilized differently to different folks. When I lived on the West Coast, there was some kind of …
Bob was The Shit! It turns out that everyone in this small-town knew Bob. He was a retired lawyer who built the house I’m living in now. And according to many of the neighbors in this subdivision, he was a fanatic about keeping the yard tidy, the rock beds de-weeded, …
Several months ago, all my computer files hooked up with Jack and they followed him up the gnarly bean stalk in the cloudy sky, never to return again. When that happened, I took it as a sign from a greater power that forced me to come face to face with …
When I lost all my stories a few weeks ago, I only had one conclusion after all the tears and snot got blown into a tissue—the Universe was making me look at life from a different perspective. Those stories are like stuff. You can’t take it with you when you …
Painters need paint. Politicians need crowds. A swordsman needs a sword. Blacksmiths need fire. A writer needs a pencil. After my return from vacation, I was going to give you insight into my ridiculous California friends and how I feel like I’m in a movie whenever we’re together. It was …
I’m not sure about you, but after nearly a month, my New Year’s resolutions are all still intact. Of course, I didn’t make any—but that’s not the point. The point is, when you don’t create expectations, you can never be let down, right? Think about it. If you write out …
Ah, the holidays. They are finally upon us and it’s almost as though they arrive the same time every year. With all that love and cheer wafting through the air, the holidays also bring the grandeur of writing and sending The Sacred Christmas Card to kick off the festivities. Isn’t …
Our recent vacation to Colorado started with a simplistic window decal, I [HEART] CRACK WHORES. I mean, who doesn’t love a good crack whore every once in a while? But to display this fetish on a vehicle seems a bit extreme to me. Maybe I’m being a bit too conservative …
She won’t let me shave the damn dog. I know I’m supposed to be grateful and all that crap for all the loveliness of our new home. Lots of land. Lots of deer. Lots of quiet…well, I say Bah. Call me Scrooge. This had been the first time in all …
