I thought my Abby was dying. She didn’t, but it was a rough thirty-six hours. Between the blood oozing, sometimes squirting, out of orifices and the water vomiting, I’m not going to lie, I was freaked out. My beige carpet looked like a new leopard skin patterned rug and there …
While I was partying like it was 1999, drinking frozen daquiris, and basking in the warm Florida sun, a demon escaped from its volcanic-rock prison in Japan around the 5th of March. Don’t take my word for it, use your search engine and type the key words—Killing Stone. Now, you …
She’s too old to wear her hair like that! That woman should not be shopping in the teen section. These are the comments my mother used to say when I was younger. Actually, she stills says them. I mean, you should have seen the disgust on her face when …
There’s a lost boy in our midst. No, not the movie version…or is it? In the movie, a boy moves to a weird new place where people are strange. Some of them are wicked. Faces appear ugly, and I’m pretty sure no one remembers anyone’s name. Vampires rule the tiny …
It’s a new year, and gosh darn it, I’m going to show you how you don’t need anything more than a screw driver, a rubber mallet, and half of an empty wreath container to fix all your problems. I’m not blaming anyone for the 2022 several mishaps that occurred in …
Can we all agree that 2021 has been a buzz kill? Covid is over. Wait, it’s back. Okay, go on doing what you do. Wait. The world’s ending… Let’s be real. Can we honestly be true to ourselves if we let that whole “The World is Broken” thing control our …
I spent a long weekend in Vegas. And if you’ve never been to the city that never sleeps, let me be the first to tell you that four days feels like three weeks. Two days into the vacation, you realize that you have no idea what time it is, what …
Here in the Midwest, a lot of us women joke about not shaving our legs in the winter months. This is the time of year when leg hair is considered an additional layer of insulation. You see, October is a sad climatic turning point for us northerners. We were just …
Whenever I hear the word marriage, I think of the priest in Princess Bride. If you haven’t seen this movie, shame on you. Go immediately to your favorite streaming application and watch the best movie of all time. The reason I bring this up is my anniversary is this week. …
The trees are about to show us how lovely it can be to let things go. [barf] In the social media post, these words are on the forefront of a large oak tree full of red, orange, and yellow leaves with a surreal background of happiness and love. Barf again! …
