Caution: Continued reading of this material may cause side effects, such as teary eyes, shortness of breath, tightened chest, runny nose, anger, frustration, nausea, oily bowel movements, and hiccupping…
A very good friend of mine is sad right now. I don’t know when she’ll feel more alive, more herself. She will have many numb days and lonely nights, one-sided high fives and no reciprocated fist bumps. You see, her husband decided he wanted to start traveling, and unfortunately, or rather fortunately, he needed take this trip on his own. His destination was the Otherworld; a place we humans can’t venture, at least not yet. Death isn’t selfish. Everyone must go.
There is no joke to this story. I may occasionally use satire or crooked joke humor, but that is only because I need not dwell. Dwelling leads to tears. And I’m too tough for that emotion.
I’ve spent the last few days questioning my personal thoughts and feelings. What would I do in this same situation? One evening you’re whispering, goodnight, sleep peacefully, the next evening you’re screaming, why? to the stars who have no ears.
Am I the one being selfish? After all, it’s my heart that hurts for a friend.
They had some sort of a routine, way of living each day. Go to work. Come home from work. Shove food in your mouth. Run to a meeting or practice of some sort. Come home. Have a glass of wine. Talk. Go to bed. Snuggle. Alarm. Do it all over again. That’s consistency. Then, her world flipped on its axis. It’s upside down. None of that routine will ever happen again. It’s gone… And I honestly have no idea how I would manage.
I’m sure I’m not the only spouse to take their partner for granted. Don’t think too big here. It’s as simple as the towel was hung back up. Or, after an eleven-hour day, they want to cook dinner, when all you wanted to do was order pizza because you didn’t feel like cooking that night. Maybe they keep the toilet paper stocked in the corral even though you never replace the empty roll.
At this point, this is the largest list I’ve come up with in respect to explaining how I take my spouse for granted, which I’m pretty sure puts me in the dog house…again. Cheryl doesn’t have a she-shed on this property.
While my take for granted list is short, mostly because I’m awesome and keep the peace around here, you can bet your fat-bottomed girl making the world go round that I can complain to no end of the irritations in this relationship. For instance, Okay, you hung up your towel, but why can’t you throw a hanger in the laundry bin with your work clothes. Or, remember when I didn’t feel like cooking? Seriously, I wanted pizza. Here’s one, I always change out the toilet paper roll, you just happen to be in there with one sheet left. And, stop kicking my shoes out of the middle of the room. I left them there for a reason.
Does all this ridiculousness sound familiar? Or does it sound like I’m the crazy one and no one else feels this way in their relationship? That’s okay. Because while you all were judging me and my poor-marital antics, my friend will never be able to have these outlandish disagreements with her spouse again.
My friend’s death is a reminder… sometimes it’s okay to lack gratitude, but never forget to say, “I love you,” on a daily basis. Give them a kiss goodbye in the morning and one before bed. Add a sherbet in there somewhere. And when the counselor is asking a question, don’t just nod and agree. Really look like your listening. This is important.
We might bicker and argue, kick shoes across the room, reorganize the dishwasher, get threatened for not closing all the drawers and cabinets, but after all is said and done, I’m grateful every day that someone loves me so much. I mean, seriously, they are willing to live with me.
Death might not be selfish, but I am. I like my routine and I love my spouse. One thing I can say with no hesitation, no doubt—I’d rather endure the pain of living without her than watch her weep alone.
In memory of Sam and Jon.