HECK NO, I WON’T GO!

I didn’t want to go to work today.

An anxiety built up and churned in my gut, as if I limped in a long line of shackled prisoners, tied together, awaiting the inevitable. Medieval torture with spiked maces and public flogging. Spectators pointing and laughing at my vulnerability.

Why? Why do I have to go to work today?

Sure, the job could have been rescheduled for a different day, a different time. But honestly, it was inevitable. My body sagged getting ready. My foot fought the open pant leg. My arm struggled against its sleeve. The belt buckling around my waist, tightened like a corset making breaths short and shallow.

Why? Why must I go?

Maybe the car won’t start. Maybe the roads are still iced over. Maybe…I have no excuse.

I pulled into the lot, turned off the engine, and stared at the steering wheel trying to find a reason, any reason, why I couldn’t go in. But there was no justification for sitting in my car all afternoon. It was time to admit defeat. I painted a fake smile on my face and meandered through the door. Immediately, I was greeted with mounds of work I didn’t want to deal with.

Grumbling. I was actually grumbling under my breath until it dawned on me. One of my 2019 goals was to try to stay positive, no matter the situation.

How could I find this workday positive? I mean, it was work, right?

Realization. It was as if the heavens opened and a beaming light of love and gratitude trickled down. Actually, it felt more like a slap to the side of the head, a punch to the chest, and a kick in the butt. Someone was definitely trying to tell me something important. And while this doesn’t happen very often—I listened.

There are thousands of people in this country working for no paycheck today. Just yesterday, I heard on public radio that many government workers couldn’t afford the gasoline to get to the job where no paycheck is distributed. In an interview with one of those individuals, it was pointed out that the gentlemen’s wife was selling some of their personal property on various internet sites to help pay for groceries, gas, and other bills.

Perspective. Yes, I have a job and it’s not the most glamorous position in the world. But I receive a paycheck bi-weekly. That paycheck isn’t designed as a necessity for the household. That paycheck, my paycheck, won’t mean we’re near starvation or the electric bill won’t get paid.

Once again, I find myself humbled, yet grateful for all that I have.