Do I have something in my teeth?
Is my deodorant failing?
Seriously, I am having trouble making and keeping friends in this new town and it doesn’t make a lick of sense. I mean, I’m awesome, humble, have a charismatic personality, and am darn good looking. I don’t understand why everyone I meet doesn’t pick up on that immediately. I could blame the wife!?!
Maybe some reflection on my personality would do me good.
I’m humorous, not the bone, but maybe down to the bone, and can crack a joke in completely inappropriate times. My multi-faceted layers of compassion blaze empathy, unless you want me to listen to your life story—in that case, I’m just not interested. We all have issues. Suck it up and move on. Is that too harsh?
The wife and I were talking about speed dating, but for friends. Not friends. Get your minds out of the gutter; though, I’m not judging if that’s your thing. Here’s how it would work. Couples sit across from each other at a wobbly fold-up table. We all have three minutes to learn as much as we can about each other and bing, the bell tolls and we switch. Seriously, your mind is growing mold in that gutter.
What should we talk about, you ask. Well, I have some ideas on that as well.
Let’s start with, “Must love dogs.” I could wear a tee shirt with one of my dogs printed on the front and the other on the back. Then we get into the personal stuff, like, “Do you prefer long walks on the beach or sitting in a beach chair with a margarita in hand while the gentle tide washes over your bare feet?” Easy enough.
And because we only have three minutes, we’ll have to dive into controversial questions right away, like, “How do you feel about an abyss of darkness where you’re only hope of survival is facing your demons and playing dress up with them?” Too much? “What do you like to read?” Please don’t say memoir.
Here’s my point, and I swear I have one. When we’re young, we all have like interests for the most part. Things like, don’t get caught drinking underage in the forest with five of your friends because the cops just pulled up and now we have to run. We befriended people because we loved sports, or music. There were so many personalities to choose from—there were clubs for debating. Clubs for hitting. Heck, even clubs for dancing.
But now that I’m older, not quite half way through my life because I plan on living to the ripe age of 101, we pay bills and have to mow the lawn. And to some, we have to feed the kids. That’s exhausting. We’ve formed a sense of who we are and the personality types we want to hang out with. Some of us watch too many news reports that focus on all of us hating each other if we have diverse thoughts and don’t even get me started on religion and its implications on society.
Why haven’t I met any new friends?
None the less, I’m finding it difficult to find people who love dogs, enjoy sports and hiking, relax while drinking around a campfire, partake in extra curriculars, play dress-up with our 12 ft skeletons, and enjoy watching Ancient Aliens and horror movies. I’m quite simple, really.
Well, I might have B.O., but at least I’m clear of dementia. Thank you, aluminum free deodorant. I guess the only thing left to do is make that dentist appointment and the friends will line up at the door, right?