I have a confession to make; I’m not perfect.
I know. I know. This is quite a shock. Sometimes, the truth hurts. But listen, I’m here, on this journey with you, and together we’ll travel through this tarnished world.
Let’s start.
Oops, I forgot. Before we go any further, I think you should know that none of my friends are perfect either. What!?!? I know, it’s hard to believe, but I assure you, it’s true.
Because we’re all flawed, a good friend of mine suggested that we start reading Self Help books together, kind of like a book club, but for fun people. (I’m not insinuating that book clubs are for boring people—but seriously, have you ever been to book club?) Anyway, I read. She listens to the digital recording, then we talk about what we’ve learned over cocktails.
I should also mention, that most Self-Help books suggest we should quit drinking, amongst other habits, because it inhibits are ability to tap into our celestial roots. But in my opinion, a self-help book’s premise is not the Golden Rule—it can be adjusted slightly—and that’s why cocktails are enjoyable at our not-your-mother’s book club.
We began reading/listening to our first book about being a spiritual badass; which by the way, I didn’t write (Yes, Another Shocker). We talked about it, went on our merry-way, and danced into book two without truly understanding the in-depth analysis of our conceptual learning. All we knew was, we felt better. Still a bit broken, but better.
Now, you may ask on a serious level what information I absorbed. Well, every individual learns at their own pace, on their own time, and…okay, let’s face it…the only thing I remember is to feel my groin. It doesn’t make sense to you, but like I said, we’re all on our own journey.
After all this super-duper thinking and analyzing of why I am the way I am, I felt it important to pass on this informative book, to pay it forward; so, I lent my copy to the nineteen-year-old neighbor who truly doesn’t fit in with his family and is so lost, he doesn’t know how to begin a journey like my friend and I are on. He needed a little shove.
I saw him in the backyard letting his dog out and I asked how the book was coming along. He gave me some bullshit answer about the slow pace and not doing the exercises. Bla, Bla, Bla. (Cause that’s all I heard) I was a bottle of wine in by then when I offered some suggestions, read the whole book first, then go back and do the exercises. And if that doesn’t work for you then, read one chapter a night and spend no more than an hour on one exercise. Easy peasy.
I may have also yelled over the fence line, I’m Fu*@%ing smart, man.
Nineteen-year-olds know the F-Word, right?
Again, wine does different things to different people. In my case, I’m exceptionally smart, and slightly louder than normal—plus, I have a tendency to swear often.
He yelled back, You’re the neighborhood Marry Poppins!
So, there you go, kids. If you’ve ever questioned some of the thoughts I’ve throw at you, just remember that I’m the Mary Poppins of the neighborhood—despite my many shortcomings.