PROJECTS

How are those honey-do-lists coming along?

A few weeks ago, when the human-world paused and mother nature took a deep breath of relief, I made a list of projects to complete. Of my fully filled college ruled paper page, I have scratched off two items. One being vacuuming behind and under the refrigerator, and the second involved cutting up a melon. You’re welcome.

It turns out, I can easily waste away a day doing absolutely nothing.

Some might say my daily routine has turned into a bad habit. Others may give me a social distanced air high five for my in-depth thinking and philosophizing. Let me give you an example.

I wake up and drink a cup of coffee while smoking my morning cigarette (Kids, do what I say, not what I do—Don’t smoke!) Then, I take a few moments to pass the day-before-meals into the sewer system. Next, I smoke again while watching the cardinals and finches, or maybe sparrows, (I’ll have to take an hour to research that later) happily enjoying the fresh seed I provided in a state of the art yellow and black metal bird feeder purchased well before my isolated quarantine. By this time, about ten o’clock is staring me in the face. Wow, it’s late morning! Got to get moving on that project list—but first, breakfast.

Breakfast is now brunch, with a twist (not a twist of cocktail mix—well, not yet—unless the cocktail breakfast brunch includes tomato juice, celery, dilled green beans, hot sauce, bacon, maybe some shrimp, Worcestershire, and of course, vodka. You know what? Let’s save that story for another time.) Since I’m allergic to eggs, last night’s leftovers are a perfect late morning snack; which by the way, I have to eat while playing my spider solitaire app or breakfast would have been a waste of time. You see? I’m strategically thinking while eating. So smart.

After another trip outside, to watch the birds of course, it’s about noon. Midday is when I start planning dinner by sifting through the far-more-than-I-would-normally-purchase grocery section of my freezer. I mean, if I only go out once a week, I ensure there’s enough food and cocktails to last. (Kids, do what I say, not what I do—Don’t drink alone!) As I head over to the freezer, oh wait, a shiny Fender. I pick up Gertrude (my wooden guitar’s name) and play a few chords.

Crap! It’s after one o’clock. I need to get moving on those projects—but first, I should check the mailbox and see what’s happening with the front-yard birds. While out front, I realize the dogs ought to walk around the country-mile block. I know dog walking is essential because of all the social media memes explaining how the animals want all their owners to go back to work. Check that one off the list. Should I shower?

With eating, guitar playing, meat defrosting, mail getting, dog walking, and showering out of the way, it’s time to dive into that list of projects I’ve made. But first, we should see if those finches (confirmed via internet research) are still enjoying their seed. Oh no, I forgot about dinner. That list will have to wait until after we eat.

As the sun slowly descends behind the horizon, I’m awed by the purple and orange waves of light dancing in the western sky. Another half an hour later, dusk has consumed my waking world. After I wish on the first seen star and analyze the astrological patterns of the constellations, it’s time to head inside and work on those projects. I click on the side table lamp and guess what’s there? You got it. That book I’ve been meaning to read. Three hours later and a third through the book, I rub my tired eyes, turn off the light, and head to bed.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I swear I’ll tackle that list.