SKELETONS DON’T BELONG IN CLOSETS

I figured out how to fix our country!

It’s simple, really.

Twenty-foot Skeletons! It’s genius.

Yes, you read that correct. 20ft skeletons in the front yard of every American household. And I’m not talking about a Halloween prop. This is a year-round magical experience for everyone in the neighborhood to enjoy.

It’s been said that people hide skeletons in their closets. These are supposedly the secrets we aren’t willing to express to anyone else. They are taboos or psychological trauma we’ve hidden away even from ourselves at some point. Then, out of nowhere, we are triggered by some kind of random event; for example, a simple sentence, or a crowd of people at a ball game, or a family gathering. Our temperature goes from a normal 98.6 to boiling point and–BOOM–our skeletons escape. Sometimes they disappear in a split second. Other times they linger for hours, until we can grab the wits about us and hide them back into their mystical cave in hopes never to be dragged out again.

Now, imagine a world in which we wouldn’t feel so alone, so stuck with our own problems that we have to hide them because we think no one else would ever understand. I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say a person, let’s call him George, lives in Oregon, the kale eating state of the country. And let’s throw out a crazy idea that George isn’t a vegan, GASP! but doesn’t want anyone to know his faults. This would represent a skeleton in his proverbial closet. So rather than hiding his grill in the basement and devouring his rib eye steak after midnight, he could set up his 20ft skeleton on the lawn doing what? You guessed it–grilling a giant steak. Now, Lucy on the other end of the cul de sac doesn’t feel so alone and the two of them can eat steaks without kale together. See what I’m saying? Our giant skeletons can solve problems.

Do you want to start a book club but don’t know where to begin? Try setting up your friendly giant with a book of the month and a massive sign-up sheet in hand. The neighbors will love it.

Have you been stuck working from your basement for the last year? Maybe think about gathering a few skeletons in the front yard in a friendly game of poker.

I’m sure there is a whole new industry just waiting to flourish in some entrepreneur’s mind that could create and design giant skeleton clothing for every occasion–spring, summer, holidays, run-way modeling. You name it. You create it. Make it your own.   

This may seem a bit outlandish for some you, but keep in mind that progressive, heck even genius ideas often come with mixed emotions and doubt. It’s up to us, the forward thinkers of the world to help make our living conditions great again.