THE LONG-WINDED THOUGHTS OF 2021

Can we all agree that 2021 has been a buzz kill?

Covid is over.

Wait, it’s back.

Okay, go on doing what you do.

Wait. The world’s ending…

Let’s be real. Can we honestly be true to ourselves if we let that whole “The World is Broken” thing control our being?

I read a quote on the social media software lineup that I didn’t write down and couldn’t tell you who the author was, but in a paraphrase, it went something like, Don’t be afraid of the future, be afraid of being in the same place next year, or something to that effect.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been doing the same thing over and over for years now, and expecting a different result. We all should know by now what this defines. It could be I have the making of an insane person brewing inside me, or maybe I’m just stuck and can’t figure how to get out. Have routines become my nemesis?

In the past, I always made a new year’s resolution to get published or be famous or ask that someone donates to the RADolence cause and give a few million dollars, preferably from a person I was drinking with at a bar who found me so exciting and interesting, they changed their will and left everything to me. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? It hasn’t happened yet, but a pipe dream is a pipe dream none the less.

Moving forward, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of us out there that had a less than stellar year, some more difficult than others. And if by chance, yours was top notch, then please try to empathize with the rest of us for a bit, because some of us are slightly broken. My heart hurts and my sense of emptiness derives from losing both my Dad and Gramma this past year.

As much as I would like to make a joke about them being gone, as if they wandered into the woods and we’ve yet to find the sasquatch that befriended and took them in…well, that’s simply not the case. They traveled into another realm of existence, gone from this jacked up earth, only to be seen through pictures and memories.

It seems alien to say that it feels like they’ve taken a piece of me when they transcended to the afterlife. And when a chunk is dug out of your heart with a dulled ice cream scoop, all that’s left is a jagged hole, or a void, aching. And while I want to wallow in my own self-pity of their absence or swim in my sad-hole, I’ve come to realize that voids are meant to be filled.

We have options as silly humans. We can sit in sadness or fill the void with something extraordinary—like, happiness and love.

With these heartbreaks, came some positive outcomes this past year. The loss of my Dad has led to deeper relationships with family members. You know, the same ones I may or may not have spoken poorly about in past blogs. And if by chance, I didn’t speak poorly in written form, it sure was in verbal—very loud verbal—for the neighbors to hear. But like I said, good things can come out of bad situations. Also, a promotion was earned in my household allowing us to give more than we’ve been able to in the past. And by give, I mean to charities that mean much and deserve more. There are so many positives to fill my gratitude jar, but ultimately, this family is healthy and vibrant and ready to take on the world.

As the new year quickly approaches, I’m coming to realize that all these sad situations and obstacles were actually a signal to my soul that evolution is inevitable.

And if evolution is inevitable, then I can no longer linger in the insane. I can no longer get stuck in the what could be or what was. I can’t control anything but my attitude or my response to a situation.

I’m not sure I can go so far as to say my evolutions process is an awakening. I’d like to think so, but it feels too…smart? Wise? I’m pretty sure I’m not on the Gandhi train quite yet, but who knows. All I can say is, I do try to live up to his wise words, Be the change you wish to see in the world.

That sounds pretty in-depth. Maybe I should just stick to the idea of, What am I doing when I think no one is watching?

So, now that I’ve poured my heart into a blog glass, I ask you to ask yourself—what are you doing when no one is watching? Have you recognized some of your destructive tendencies and feel the new year offering her optimistic hand so you may see your potential moving forward? Because I think if you can accept yourself for who you are, then you can be the light you had forgotten was inside you.

Shine in the new year! Flip over the couch cushion that has your butt imprint stuck in it. And hopefully, if you’re lucky, you can help fill someone’s void with nothing more than a simple smile.

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!