One of the most ridiculous memes I recently read on social media, and there’s a lot of them, was a picture of a pizza box, with the front flap reading, “Open Box Before Eating Pizza.” Which, by the way, is a complete contrast to the coolest bumper sticker I’ve ever read, “Join your local pipe band.” Dang. That one still takes the cake…and a couple candles too.
But seriously. Is this what our society has come to? Having to be told to not eat a cardboard box? Sure, some fourth-meal pizza deliveries taste similar to cardboard after a night of good wholesome fun with cocktails and umbrellas on the rocks, but, come on.
Are we simply getting more stupider? (Incorrect grammar intended) Maybe idiocracy is the new norm and I missed the article while scrolling endlessly through my message board.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that many of our rules and regulations have been designed to eliminate chaos. Traffic signals, for instance, played a pivotal role on the streets of Woodward Ave of the early twentieth century in Detroit. (Fun fact, a police officer actually stood on a pedestal in an intersection and hand-turned the colored circles for Model T’s in transit.)
You’re welcome.
Think about all those warnings on the description labels of the products we consume on a daily basis to avoid stupidity. There’s the famous, This hot coffee is actually super-hot. Blow on the heated plastic lid before consuming or spilling in your lap while driving. Some of us have learned the hard way that Gorilla Glue is actually not intended as a hair product and most importantly, the glue should not be mistaken as saline solution for contact lenses.
Pharmaceutical companies take the severity of warning labels to the utmost extreme prior to the advance of consumption. Sorry blood squirts from your tear ducts at inappropriate times, but at least you don’t have depression. Or the infamous your anal glands will secrete unnatural fluids while taking this product.
A new kitchen knife set includes warnings similar to Don’t stab your friends, which should not be misconstrued with denture warnings of Don’t bite your friends. Basically, keep an eye on your friends. They’re the only ones that will remind you not to use Crisco in a game of Twister and will laugh with you in a mishappen Taco Bell drive thru incident.
Ultimately, those in charge do their best to limit the side effects of chaos. If they truly believe that size-three-font in bold lettering will end the madness, shouldn’t they have their fifteen minutes of fame? I mean, just because the chicken crossed the road, doesn’t mean we have a clear understanding of whether the egg got there first.
In order to avoid awkward social media million-hit Mondays, be sure you eat the egg, not the carton. The pizza, not the box.
You’re welcome.