WEIRD PHRASES

My Gramma Dolence left this planet when I was a pre-teen. And while I don’t recall her personality or know who she was as a mother to my dad, I do know that she was an advocate for her community and offered unique phrases on special occasions.

You’re modeling days are over.

I know this expression sounds harsh but there’s a story behind it. I played sports and to say the least, I was competitive. Back then, before it hurt to sit up when getting out of bed in the morning, I was tough on my body. Again, I’m feeling the after-effects these days. Anyway, my grandparents came for a visit one summer shortly after a softball game. Please note that Midwest girls’ softball fields back then were, shall we say, dangerous. The infield was not perfectly leveled soft dirt and the outfield was full of potholes and goose poop.

During the visit, Gramma saw the result of me sliding into second base. My shin was a raspberry. Chunks of gravel were still embedded in my leg and it was covered in ointment to eradicate the oozing infection setting in. Between the crappy infield and my desire to win, I was left with a leg scar that ended my modeling days, well, according to Gramma—and maybe all of Hollywood.

I’m glad I knew you when you were poor.

This phrase I use often. It’s actually one of my favorites, as it carries deep undertones of societal norms, a mindset, and love. And because I didn’t know Gramma at her core, I don’t know if she intended the upcoming thoughts that I keep.

You see, when we’re poor, we’re in survival mode, a rat race of sorts. It’s easy to fall into cranky spells and alcohol spills. Emotions run high. We’re defenseless against authority because we have to keep the crappy job we hate, just so we can pay the bills that we hate paying. We struggle. Our circle of friends is small because like I mentioned, we’re irritable mf’s. And then one day, we’re sitting at our regular barstool playing Keno and boom, we hit big.

All of a sudden, family who we only saw on holidays, are now infatuated with getting to know us. People come out from the woodwork. School friends find you on social media and drop dm’s. Lawyers and financial advisors all of a sudden reach out knowing ten percent of our fortune pads their pocket books. But hears the thing—the friends we had when we were most vulnerable, desolate, and depressed are still by our side, cheering our wins. They call out of the blue just to see how we’re doing, rather than wondering if the new vacation home in the Rocky’s is available next summer.

If you ever hear me say, I’m glad I knew you when you were poor, know that I think your soul is beautiful and no amount of money you’ve earned will change our status of friendship. So, when asked, “Seriously, is the home in the Rocky’s available next summer?” by a true friend, what they’re actually saying is, “Let’s take a vacation together. I’ll bring the bourbon.”