The sky?
I’m no scientist, but something is terribly wrong with the environment.
It’s raining pollen!
Don’t take my word for it. Check it out yourself. And if fear is ruling your senses, educate yourself by recognizing the signs of the upcoming pollen apocalypse.
First, take a step outside. I know this is scary for some of us vampires, but every once in a while, we have to feel pain in order to know we’re alive. A little burning sensation is okay, but definitely see a medical professional if the burning persists longer than six hours.
Step two. Look for yellow dust on patios, decks, and pool covers. It’s a dense powder that sticks to everything. If you see me rolling around in the grass like a dog enjoying a good back rub, don’t judge; I’m connecting with nature—and building immunity.
Next, don’t touch it with bare hands. I’ve learned this one the hard way. Your finger will not only stain yellow, but I’m pretty sure the pollenous (I made up this word) goo absorbs under your skin and creates a manufacturing center for bees. And once you’re in the bee gang, you’re always in the bee gang.
Fourth, avoid sneezing in public. One, it’s gross and second, it’s gross. A lot of people are still traumatized by the pandemic of 2020 and think a sneeze is the sign of the devil emerging from the depths of the Underworld coming to kidnap anyone within twelve feet of the snotty nostrils.
Lastly, don’t talk about it. Just like fight club, we don’t talk about the puffy eyes or the constant sinus ache. Avoid expressing feelings of a little gnome squeezing each eye ball and stretching the optic nerve to its near-breaking point.
Maybe the government’s weather controlling system is malfunctioning. Or, maybe the system is working perfectly and the pollen take-over plan is engaged. There’s also the theory (I made up) that Planet X is real, scientists have been lying to us for decades, and the mysterious planet is shaking its booty too close to the gravitational trajectory of the moon and causing all our faces to swell as we sneeze goobery gook ten feet. Yeah, that’s sounds about right.
Be careful out there, people. The threat is real.
***On a sidenote, I was awarded an interview with Kandisha Press for my horror story, The Devil’s Only, a Halloween story you may have read a few years ago. You can read, or reread it here***