WHO AM I WITHOUT YOU?

It’s been 13 days since my wife of thirty years left me.

Yes, she left me for frozen corn and soybean farms.

I’m withering away to nothing. No more gourmet meals on Sundays. No more meeting in the lunch room everyday in between calls. No more…of a lot of things.

I know. I’m a mess (You should see the dishes piling up in the sink and on the countertop. Ha. Now, that’s a mess).

Anyway, I’m sad.

There’s been a lot of firsts that have come and gone in these past two weeks. And more firsts to come; however, not all firsts are bad. That said, I’ll admit, with a wicked smile on my face, I did not miss celebrating Valentine’s Day by being forced to watch stupid romance movies—all-day-and-night-long. Okay, I’m partially lying here. I did attempt to watch a romance movie (don’t judge me). I locked and loaded My Bloody Valentine, but it cost $3.99 to rent. I mean, I pay for all these stupid streaming channels and I still have to pay to watch a B-rated movie? Come on, people!

Sorry, back to my sadness.

A birthday came and went without balloons, cake, or a Polish happy birthday song. Okay, let’s be clear here. The song still happened and I have no problem eating ice cream and chocolate syrup all by myself. And no, the dog did not get any of my dessert. 

Still sad.

Now, don’t worry too much about me; I’ve been keeping busy enough. For instance, I’ve been doing a lot of research, you know, for my new book idea. What I’m secretly trying to tell you here is that my social media time has skyrocketed and I’m pretty sure I joined a quilting group.

To pass some of the time, I signed up for Open Mike Night at the local library. They kicked me out. Apparently, open mike night is not equivalent to Friday night karaoke at the bar.

Here’s the bottom line. When you’ve spent thirty years with one person, you create routines. Your worlds are one and memories become distorted as to who had the uncle with cement boots. Yours? Mine? I don’t even remember anymore. What I do know is that the energy isn’t the same in the house right now. The vibration is different. Not off or wrong, but different. The house is colder somehow and I refuse to turn up the heat (it’s more expensive than streaming My Bloody Valentine movie).

As of this post, I still have nine more days of trying to figure out who I am without her.

Oh, wait, did I mislead you? She’s on a work trip and I’m not.