I’m not sure about you, but after nearly a month, my New Year’s resolutions are all still intact. Of course, I didn’t make any—but that’s not the point. The point is, when you don’t create expectations, you can never be let down, right? Think about it. If you write out …
Ah, the holidays. They are finally upon us and it’s almost as though they arrive the same time every year. With all that love and cheer wafting through the air, the holidays also bring the grandeur of writing and sending The Sacred Christmas Card to kick off the festivities. Isn’t …
Our recent vacation to Colorado started with a simplistic window decal, I [HEART] CRACK WHORES. I mean, who doesn’t love a good crack whore every once in a while? But to display this fetish on a vehicle seems a bit extreme to me. Maybe I’m being a bit too conservative …
She won’t let me shave the damn dog. I know I’m supposed to be grateful and all that crap for all the loveliness of our new home. Lots of land. Lots of deer. Lots of quiet…well, I say Bah. Call me Scrooge. This had been the first time in all …
Every morning I drink a cup of coffee on the back deck covered in dew, watch spider webs stretched from the deck rails to the pine limbs sway in the light breeze, and listen to baby dragons squeak in the maples surrounding my too-much-to-push-mow land. I live Up North! For …
I met a little human named Nova. And like her name, she is a shining star only spotted with a high-tech telescope; primarily because our human eyes may never understand the brilliant light she emits. Nova is an artist and was recently accepted into some super-fancy high school for, as …
Did you hear? David lost his job. That’s only because Josie thinks he’s off his meds again. Did you hear the crazy lady screaming profanity at some guy for trying to kick her dog? He probably deserved it. Don’t say anything, but that dog lady is crazy. I wouldn’t screw …
Have you been feeling a bit under the weather, glum, and cranky, the last two days? If you have, I know the reason. You see, I have a direct point of contact with the Universe and they told me a secret so that I may share the basic reasons why …
I met a dude named Dimerson. Okay, I know this sounds like this first line should delve into a dirty limerick, but can we be adults for a moment? Passer-byers had told me on our way out of the Midwest that Northeasterners are a bunch of angry, tough people that …
This is all happening for a reason. I keep telling myself. It’s all part of a master plan. Except, I don’t know who or what created the plan. Everything’s going to be okay. In our past moves, we just knew that we were heading down a path excavated just for …
