My four-month-old is a tyrant.
Have you ever seen those memes that read, Have a kid. It’ll be fun, they said? There’s typically a picture of a tired parent with their hair all disheveled, sitting in the middle of a living room with a puke stain on their shirt, toys are scattered throughout the area, and a toddler is swinging from the chandelier. Fun times!
I’m too old for children. I mean, when cougar puberty is knocking at your oven’s front door and there’s nothing but crusty buns inside, you’re too old for kids. Trust me on this one.
And that’s when I learned that getting a puppy is no different than the Kids meme.
Don’t let those cute ears and that kissable face fool you. She ate my glasses. For those of you who wear glasses, you know how horrible it is to have your view disturbed. Luckily, I keep the latest old pair, but I have to gulp down the irritation every time I put them on.
On the plus side, there are no middle of the night feedings, but there are little cries that if left untreated, will torture the ears at 2 am that go from cute cooing to a high-pitched howling from the cage down the hall. You can’t stop a puppy from crying unless you pull your warm, sleepy self out into the world of pouring rain and stand-sleep on the grassy knoll while murmuring, Go potty.
In the past month, our little Luna has pee’d twenty-four times on the hardwood floor, six times on the expensive area room carpet, and pooped four times a little too close to my guitar amp. Like a magician, she escapes into unknowing areas, sometimes steals tissue from the trash can, and to top it off, she has stolen every toy, blanket, and dog bed from good ol’ Abby. (She isn’t too happy about the little one either.)
Oh, who am I kidding. Luna is the cutest little shit. I love her and I’m keeping her.